Middle 2000s - Quest for the Philosopher's Stone
"Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is Alchemy's First Law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only, truth."
- Alphonse Elric, Fullmetal Alchemist
In the middle 2000s, I became quite an anime nut thanks to Cartoon Network's Adult Swim. Cowboy Bebop, Outlaw Star, and of course Wolf's Rain. Wolves who could do a form a glamor and appear as humans? Anime rocks.
But in 2004 anime wasn't the only weird stuff that I was watching. That year I saw 3 hurricanes criss-cross the state of Florida, and I danced in the eye of one. My sensei Bob, who had just broken up with his lady, ended up becoming a roommate of Me, my Wife and Roy. He challenged me to go in the middle of the storm and truly feel it. I did as he asked. I went out into the stinging rain and truly went to feel the storm. I opened up myself to it and went into the meta-state of a clear mind. I felt a fury even more intense than a full therian mental shift. The absolute fury, the power, the knowledge of existing simply to exist. You are a force of nature, no mind, no worries of economics, politics, or hunger. You simply exist and ride the fluid that is the atmosphere. THIS was the burning rage I felt within. The wolf was but one aspect of myself, the storm was another. Rage without, and the calm quiet within. I was then Arcanus TEMPESTAS Greywolf. The Wolf of Storms!
The middle 2000s saw me become more attune with my inner power. Knowing what a thing is is the first step in learning how to manipulate, or transmute it. I was already into alchemy before the best anime ever caught my eye. That of course was Fullmetal Alchemist. These guys really did their homework on this. It is a fanciful tale of a world where alchemy is a real science. Alchemists actually do read the code of an object, break it down and reform it, and simply by drawing a transmutation circle about it, which look very much like sigils and seals from Solomon's Grimoires. Anyway I encourage people to go out and see it for themselves. Good story, and like all stories, one with a lesson. A lesson that would even affect a 30-something year old werewolf-magickian.
2005 - September We move to Eustis and shortly afterwards the worst hurricane in history hits New Orleans. Katrina. Having experienced the 2004 hurricanes I could feel what Katrina was doing and the fact came over me that this storm was not natural. As a matter of fact I felt that the 2004 hurricanes and even the Tsunami were not natural as well. Someone was fraking with magick was what came out of my mouth. I know many would say I'm insane or event that I'm just reading too many conspiracy theories but think about it. I've be at this thing since my teens and I understand how magick, alchemy, whatever you want to call it, works. A terrible thought had crossed my mind. If you had a power that nobody could trace back to you, that nobody would believe is humanly possible, would you use that as a weapon. My distrust of humanity told me yes, they would. Now what if a terrorist had that ability? Now what if our own GOVERNMENT had that ability. We all know that remote viewing was a real applied science used in secret spying. Who's to say there haven't been agencies researching magick or psionics? We know this stuff has been going on since WWII. Who's to say? Indeed.
In any case I felt something was drastically wrong with the earth and that humanity was tapping into something they had no business tapping into. This could only spell disaster.
2006 - We leave the old coven behind. The fractured coven of 2004 actually got back together and reformed itself like the Phoenix. Mostly because they did it without me. I was so proud of those who remained and made it work. But we decided that it was time for a change, we moved to North Carolina. The reason? I thought I could find other therians and complete my search for the Stone there.
Fayetteville. November 2006. We find one small shop in the Flea Market. It seemed all well and good, but there was something wrong about it. I was no stranger to the dark side and knew it well so it did not affect me. At first we thought it was the only thing, so we stayed with it. I will admit, there was something oddly familiar about it, something from my past...
At Wal-Mart I knew someone for some time and never knew she was connected to the pagan community, until I did a search and found an old meetup group. She was on it. I emailed her and we talked the next day at work. She herself was not a witch or pagan, but her boyfriend was. This is when I got involved with Rune of the Dark Alcove. We met at the old Cross Creek mall and it was like we knew each other immediately. So much in common. While I have felt rage and pain, it was nothing to what I could sense in Rune. He was betrayed and hurt in a way I have never experienced. He reminded me a bit of old Bob. He then told me that the people at the shop we were going were not what they appeared, in fact they were necromancers and dark arts practitioners. A wave of rage came over me. I had nearly been fooled again. Nearly brought into a dark web of deceit and lies and betrayal. But still I was now caught again in another damned fight, but this time I launched a pre-emptive magickal strike of my own. I did my "Sever the Black Tendrils" ritual and had my wolves track down the source. What I discovered was something more powerful than I ever experienced. No less than 13 individuals were involved in the binding. The tendrils would come back like cutting the heads off of a hydra, the wolf was not enough, I had to show them what real power was. I had to become the storm.
BOOM!
Yes I got rid of the nasties, but there is a reason why I posted that bit about equivalent exchange at the beginning. You see I paid a price. That price was loosing my car. For 9 months I had to bum rides to work or walk. An experience I do not wish to repeat. That was most of 2007. Yes I know it may well have been my stupidity in not preparing for the worst and having my car serviced and maintained properly and nothing magickal, but you never know with things like this. In any case I know my cousin and her husband and father-in-law are on Myspace and I only want to thank them for helping me through a rough time and putting up with me when I was without a vehicle.
All this time I was still pursuing alchemy. Reading up on astrology, the permutations of the Name of God "YHVH" and finding out that not only could you evoke elements and planetary forces, but the astrological signs were in fact Alchemic Processes! The permutations of YHVH were the key to unlocking that power. At last! I had the key to deciphering alchemy. Astrology, Kabalah, Golden Dawn ritual and everything I had ever learned about magick an the occult finally were coming all together, the prices finally fit!
Sadly in April of this year, I would say goodby to my old master. The one who first made me aware of what and who I truly am. Robert James Rush. May he party with Bacchus as he always did.
Brother Dark Rune helped me to obtain a vehicle in 2008, it was the beginning of recovery for me. My alchemy knowledge was growing day by day. In May of this year, during a Mercury Retrograde, I performed a ritual which was intended to "Capture the Volitile". At about the same time, my counterpart created a planetary talisman. What we did was truly significant.
"The Philosophers' Stone: those who possess it, no longer bound by the laws of Equivalent Exchange in Alchemy, may gain without sacrifice, create without equal exchange. We searched for it, and we found it." - Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist. Upon finding the Philosopher's Stone
I truly believe these events in some way helped to create a Philosopher's Stone. Not a physical red dtone that grants eternal life, but a spiritual awakening and what is more, all that I have quested for, all that which was lost due to folly and deceit, all that what once was mine has returned.
July 2008 - I regained a tech job and left Wal-Mart for good.
August 2008 - We have found the true pagan community and have involved ourselves in it. What is more, I am gaming again and with Traveller.
September 2008
The waters have returned to Hope Mills Lake
The dark cloud that has been over this town for so long is lifting
More Pagan stores have opened in the Flea Market
Now I am not as egotistical or foolish enough to think I was the only hand in all the change that had happened, that's just plain silly. But I may have done something at the right time. Perhaps that negative cloud was rising before I performed my ritual and that was just enough for it to come through the astral.
There is a big however though. What I have gained may not be exactly what I had before. The job I received is not the IIA. I am monitored closely and have to deal with 8 others in an open room with me so everyone can see what the other is doing. We are a team and we work for someone else, just like Wal-Mart so what I have a fusion of the old and new, how very alchemical. But as any good alchemist you make due with what you have and transmute it to your needs. As a result, I have taken steps never to have a car break down again, I managed to secure a card so I can use that for emergencies. Never before have I thought I could have credit, now I do. I take this as a partial victory.
Still I understand the nature of the Philosopher's Stone and know what true power is. The sun is a manifestation of the Stone, transmuting hydrogen into helium and energy. In turn that gets transmuted into many other elements and great energy. How many stars are there in the galaxy, the universe? That energy permeates everything in the universe, molds it, shapes it, and transmutes it. THAT is POWER!
"Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is Alchemy's First Law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only, truth. But the world isn't perfect, and the law is incomplete. Equivalent Exchange doesn't encompass everything that goes on here, but I still choose to believe in its principle: that all things do come at a price, that there's an ebb and a flow, a cycle, that the pain we went through did have a reward, and that anyone who's determined and perseveres will get something of value in return, even if it's not what they expected."
- Alphonse Elric, at the end of the Fullmetal Alchemist series
And there is the lesson that was learned. 30 years of going though it, still going through it, still learning, still doing.
But now I understand. Better to have learned the lesson in 30 years, than to have not learned it at all.
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